Categorized | Opinion

Southern Raisin –

By Otis Griffin

In the last few years I have been informed by the media outlets some disagreements have occurred over the clothes the youngsters wear to school.  Evidently somebody’s feelings have been hurt and of course the lawyers have crawled out of the woodwork ready to sue.   As you already know the public schools are run by the guv’mint since they (us) send the money.  In their eyes since they finance this operation the guv’mint wants everyone to be aware that all have to be treated fairly.  I have done told you a jillion times anytime the guv’mint gets involved they gonna’ screw it up.

In case some have been under a root cellar the last hun’ert years some Harvard genius educated beyond his capacity decided to build a special airplane called a space ship (ships are in the ocean) and ease up there to see if cheese holes exist on Mars.  Then the guv’mint wants to know if there are any aliens playing ball or having a bare back bronco rodeo in some of the craters.  The last I heard they were gonna’ check to see if there was any water on Mars. Why?

Can anyone really imagine just how much money is wasted on being nosy?   Thurman Tim said, “if they need some cheese, the state of Wisconsin has plenty.”  “If they get a little low the dairy folks can just milk a few more Holsteins.”  Solved.  Eugene Jimmie finished, “if they need some water just dig another well or two.”  Solved.  Wayne threw in with, “if they are looking for some holes just go on out west to the Grand Canyon and fulfill their curiosity.”  Solved.  Leave those folks alone out yonder, as they ain’t bothering us; so don’t go pouring coal oil in their breakfast raisin bran since it don’t mix well with raw Jersey cow milk.

Seems like part of the problem was the t-shirts had some writing on the front that irritated somebody.  Simple, if it was inappropriate (three dollar word) just turn the shirt outside in’ards and tuck it in their britches. ’Nuther spellbinder was some the jeans were too big and fell over some hips exposing I’m sure their swimming trunks.  Maybe belts were too expensive but they could use sea grass string from a Johnson grass hay bale.  Emerson reminded some folks, “that’s what we tied our britches up with.”  Worked too.

So guess what? A study costing the guv’mint (us) I’m sure over several million dollars the consensus wound up being?  If everyone dresses alike there won’t be a controversy.  Solved.

As the entire world knows by now the Rednecks are brilliant but we don’t let it out as other folks will copy us.  Even the greatest General Robert E. had all his friends decked out in gray.  Even long time ago rednecks all dressed the same.

At Rosemark grammar school all boys dressed the same.  A short haircut of a quarter inch. White t-shirts with the sleeves rolled up just like the big, mean boys.  Faded blue jeans with several patches on the knees from grappling and shooting marbles.  Our tootsies were covered with worn out Chuck Taylor tennis shoes with white laces.  We never had a dress problem as we were all ‘pore’ and didn’t get above our raising.  If those folks wanted to learn sumpin’ they could have come to Lynn or Arvis and gotten some information for nuthin’ instead of wasting all that money.  But that is the guv’mint for you.  Some good sane memories of the South of being the same…Glory!

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October 2012
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