Categorized | Opinion

Southern Created The Terminology

By Otis GriffinOtis Griffin pose

We all know there are a million or so new terms floating around that strike some of my brilliant senior citizens as crazy as a ‘betsy’ bug.  However, now I realize our Einstein generation laid the ground work.  Recently I was fortunate enough to reincarnate some of my dear friends from our prehistoric age and confused many with our own version of highly intellectual destroying Noah’s think book words.  But we never had one minutes delusion of understanding.  I have never been confused with a “sum’ comma’ lawdy” Harvard graduate but to my dearest Southern brethren my grammar is communicable.
We used some of these words many blue moons ago before the chickens come up.  ‘Tweet’ is a yellow finch talking.  “Twitter” is a broke bill jaybird pecking.  ‘Blog’ was a slimy, scary, horror show at the picture show the time the ‘Thing’ (a computer) rolled in.  ‘Phish’ was caught in the creeks.  ‘Windows’ was what we raised in the hot summer.  ‘Dell’ was the location to build a nice little cottage.  ‘Tools’ were in the shed.  ‘Help’ was when you got behind chopping cotton and a good neighbor would assist you.  ‘Table’ you ate supper on and kept a bucket of water on the back porch.
‘Template’ was how hot the blacksmith’s forge got hammering on a middle buster plow point.  ‘Versions’ were how each preacha’ interpreted the different passages in the Good Book.  ‘Documents’ were very important and usually hidden in the bottom dresser drawer under pillow cases.  Maybe the property deed, truck title or birth certificates if you had one and how many more bank payments on your double wide in layaway.
‘App’ was simple when inquiring the whereabouts of someone.  The answer was, “he’s ‘app’ to be in the field.  ‘Insert’ was easy.  When a calf was drenched, just insert the pill all the way down the calf’s throat.  Now ‘insert’ a full double cola bottle of water to make sure the high dollar miracle antibiotic was swallowed.
‘Short cuts’ were cutting across fields instead of trudging around on the blacktop.  A ‘word’ was spoken before the meal we were to partake and also called the ‘blessing’.  Yo’ preference in whose home?  ‘Formats’ meant you were lucky enough to afford mats for all locations in a car.  Two in the front floorboard and two in the back.  So you had ‘four mats’.  ‘Line’ was the connection between a fishing pole and the hook headed to the river.  Also held the bobber.  I knew a few that couldn’t walk a straight ‘line’ usually on Saturday night.  ‘Style’ was whichever way yo’ Momma wanted her hair fixed at the beauty parlor.  Asked if you bush-hogged both fields?  Yep, done ‘modem’! Simple.
‘Margin’ was amount of room allowed when breaking ground as you didn’t want the mule to get too close and tear down the fence so you left a margin.  Also, if your rifle pulled left and didn’t fire true, you reconsidered and allowed for a ‘margin’ of drifting.
Now I realize there are many new fangled items on the market now we never heard of.  However to prove how intellectual my Southern brothers and sisters were many decades ago, we previously laid out their language and got them started.  But no one wants to readily admit how smart rednecks really are.  So at these factories and high intellectual colleges did just what any one should do.  They just copied all of us, “which proves us Southerners were way ahead of them and look how many decades it took to catch up.”  Oh well, just another day in the life of my brilliant Senior Citizens….Glory!

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August 2013
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